Flow

I wish I could express myself. Express how I feel more effectively. Rather than getting mad. Rather than stumbling over my words. Rather acting out in a childish way. I wish the words could flow like a stream onto (virtual) paper. Yet it seems like there is dam stopping my flow. The only time the dam appears is when I am not at peace or about to be. Sleep is my peace and keeps me sane. Sleep is when my mind wanders freely and reflects on my actions. What good have i done lately? None. What bad have a I done lately? A lot. What I have done for others? Some but not enough. I would like to live my life without regrets, without guilt, without sadness. But there is this dark shadow blocking out the real me. There is always something holding me back. This dam needs to broken. Needs to be taken down forever. But alas, that dam will stay there until there is too much water pressure to handle.

Another Day

First off, i took a practice test for the GRE on the kaplan website. And i got a 690 on the quantitative and 540 on the verbal. So Quantitative FTW!! lol
Anyways, I have been ignoring the GRE and just going on facebook. FAIL!!! and going on ONTD! UBER FAIL!! GAH!!!
Is this how the rest of my life will be? Will I always be looking up celebrity dirt? I really do need a life. I need more hobbies or something. Why doesn't reading hold the same value as it did in high school? Who knows.
In the past few days, me and my cousins have been looking at old photos. And it makes me wonder how I have changed.
Looking at my old photographs pre-Nadia, I was such a happy kid, always smiling and next to people. I used to hang out with all the guys! Only guys. There is a video of when Aleya Mami came and Naime's mom is there. However, you don't see me hanging out with Naime. Instead I'm roaming around or hanging out with the guys! WOW things have changed! I only have girl friends. I don't smile as often. And I'm definitely not that social. I don't know why I became really shy in elementary school. Why I stopped smiling in photos that included my sister. Why? I have too many questions for my own good.

Gone Like the Wind

The French Guys are gone. But they have forever left their mark. Literally and figuratively. Within a week's time they became our friends, almost best friends. We learned a lot from--different French words which I still can't remember, how to have fun without discluding others, and how to pick up girls! =D OKay, I'll be serious now. It is really shocking how they came into our lives so fast and became a part of it too. I guess because they were the guy friends we (me and the roomies) wished we had here in America. A group of guys that we always hang out with and know that we could trust. A group of guys who respected us. Who didn't use us for getting their homework done or to buy alcohol or give rides to the airports. To me, it seemed liked they wanted to be good friends. And I believe they did become really good friends. I'm really shocked that I am the only roommate that did not cry since I'm the emotional one. But I'm glad they didn't see me cry, I really don't think they wanted to see four girls crying at once. Gah!! I feel like I sound generic, boring--not profound! DAmn.
I really don't understand why I feel like they had an effect on my life. Maybe, it rekindled that hope in my heart that I will find my guy. The guy who has manners and charms. Yet isn't using me for something else. Someone is going to watch my back and still have it tomorrow. Something about European people just really attracts me to them. Maybe it's the way they were brought up. I feel like they aren't that jaded when it comes to people. They are more trusting while I feel like I am not and a lot of other Americans are not as well.
They were just so fun to hang out with! I loved how we had a communication lag of 15 minutes whenever we tried to go somewhere. I loved how sometimes we just couldn't understand each other but in the end it worked out. And they were always so nice and would ask us what we wanted to do. They cared more about that than what they wanted to do. Maybe they were being UBER nice but still I don't know any guys who do that here!
I'm definitely going to miss LouLou the most. But don't worry I'll miss Benoit's innocence, Kevin's hotness, Achille's humor, and most definitely will not miss Bruno's BO.

New Gadget On Win 7

Well, I'm trying out this new gadget on my comp and hopefully it will motivate me to blog everyday or even every moment i'm free because i really don't want to forget college. I've made so many memories and I feel like I'm slowly forgetting all the little moments. Is it weird to think I will get Alzheimer or something like that when I'm older? i really hope I don't but it is a possibility. Anyways, I need to record every moment if I could. I'm sure it wont be anything like David's journal but I could damn try.

Obviously I'm Slow

Because I just realized if I wrote my last blog tomorrow, it would have been 2 years EXACTLY!!! wow.. I wonder what is so special about this time of year? Is it the many birthday celebrations or because school is starting soon?

I wonder....

2 Years Later

So, it's been almost 2 years since my last and only post. Terrible. Especially since I said I would keep this one up. Epic Fail. Well, I'm going to say it again and I hope this time I keep my promise to myself. So what has been going on in my life.

First off, why the F**K does facebook chat stop working when I'm talking to Amz? Like really? What's the big deal?! I'm finally getting over him and I can't even stay proper friends with him because of the chat. Okay I think I am getting frustrated at the wrong thing. It seems like he doesn't want to talk to me. I hope he doesn't think I still like him. I don't anymore. But he is a cool guy that I would love to keep in touch with. Is that a crime people? Well, I shouldn't say people since no one reads this blog. But still. Okay I'll admit that there are some lingering feelings there but not enough for me to pursue. If I didn't pursue it last summer of 4 years ago, then I wont do it now. I have doubts and there are no doubts in love. When you love someone, you know rock solid that person is for you.
So why do I keep thinking that maybe he's the one? Because I can't fully let go? Because God is not helping me out here with my dilemma. God please help me out?! I'm trying to find myself and my future.

GAH why do all my blogs end up being about him!>!?

Eff him and his communist girlfriend.
I am moving on.
I am done.


In other news, met these really cute and nice French guys last week!!! AHH! I'm in love with European men. They have class and manners. Unlike uncouth American men. Anyways, I met them through Maymay because she is their RA for their time here. So, me, Rraine, Jenn, Linh, & Amrita have been spending all this time with them! We get all giddy when we talk about them. It's like we are in elementary school and it's Valentine's Day. But the guys are leaving this Wednesday. I'm really going to miss them and I hope they keep in touch! I'll post other things about them later. Perhaps after the GRE.


SPS! Oh gosh, Matt needs to stop being so effing pretentious prick! Gosh, you are not that amazing!

DAMNIT I have to go and take a shower and pray.

Peace!