Every December, since the 12th grade, I have mulled over my lack of romantic life. Before, I had hope that I would meet someone wonderful or get that chance at romance with him. But as the years passed by without a care, my search and hope for love keeps dwindling. At this point, I don't have any hope that I will meet my soulmate or act on my what if. However, this post isn't completely about my love-less life.
Yesterday afternoon, I was listening to the radio and driving, and thought about my first kiss. . . well future first kiss. I am 23 years old and have never been kissed. Hence, the emo party of one during December. My birthday is a constant reminder that another year has passed without any changes. Constant reminder that I am not desirable. Constant reminder that something must be wrong with me if NO ONE wants to lay one on me. Anyway, i was thinking about who I would want my first kiss to be with. And only one person came to mind. It's sad that I would want him to be my first kiss but I assure you that I don't have feelings for him. By kissing him, I would fulfill my desire to have kissed the first guy that I thought I "loved". And I have thought of how it would happen (yes I realize this post is getting more and more pathetic by the minute) and I am the one initiating it. Even my daydreams are telling me how Un-Desirable I feel. Some might be like "oh Naz/Tina you're so picky!" Yes I realize I am a bit selective but not that much! I know I have an impossible wish list but that is for fun.
Okay I just need to end this post. another time
Yesterday afternoon, I was listening to the radio and driving, and thought about my first kiss. . . well future first kiss. I am 23 years old and have never been kissed. Hence, the emo party of one during December. My birthday is a constant reminder that another year has passed without any changes. Constant reminder that I am not desirable. Constant reminder that something must be wrong with me if NO ONE wants to lay one on me. Anyway, i was thinking about who I would want my first kiss to be with. And only one person came to mind. It's sad that I would want him to be my first kiss but I assure you that I don't have feelings for him. By kissing him, I would fulfill my desire to have kissed the first guy that I thought I "loved". And I have thought of how it would happen (yes I realize this post is getting more and more pathetic by the minute) and I am the one initiating it. Even my daydreams are telling me how Un-Desirable I feel. Some might be like "oh Naz/Tina you're so picky!" Yes I realize I am a bit selective but not that much! I know I have an impossible wish list but that is for fun.
Okay I just need to end this post. another time
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